


Don't Look At Me

by charlottefrey



Series: Advent Calendar 2016 - Star Wars Edition [5]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Hux as professor is my kink, Kylo is being cute, Kylo is wanking off to Hux's notes on his exam (why did i write this again?), M/M, Professor AU, and anxious af, anxiety attack, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:23:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8727238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlottefrey/pseuds/charlottefrey
Summary: Kylo's Professor is hot. Like smoking hot. He's something from a wet dream of Kylo's and that the man is taking a serious interest in Kylo's academical life is not helping his immense teacher crush.Thankfully Rey is there (at least sometimes) and Hux is an amazing person.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older WIP, with only minimal tweaking. I hope it's as good as i think it is.  
> Anyway, have fun and please don't cringe too much!

Professor Hux entered the room with way too much energy and resolution. Kylo looked up from his scribbles and turned his eyes immediately down again. The professor glanced over his students and sighed.

   “Morning!” He called, his voice loud in his usual Irish brogue.

The class slowly responded with hums and half-mumbled replies. Professor Hux frowned. Kylo watched him from the safe distance of five rows of chairs. The red-haired Professor had been the object of Kylo’s desires since the first time these crisp pants walked into room 2R of the Arkanis University.

It wasn’t just that the Professor was hot. He was so orderly and neat that Kylo was turned on by just his writing. There was nothing amiss in the notes Professor Hux scribbled on to white board.

“Hey Kylo.” Rey asked from his left side. The dark haired lass had slipped in yet again after the bell rang or Kylo simply hadn’t noticed her until now.

   “Need a pen?” He replied and handed her one.

   “You’re the best cousin one can wish for.” She whispered back before she scribbled into her notebook.

Kylo liked Rey in a sisterly way after she came to university one year after him. He looked out for her after his mother requested that he should look after the wild girl his uncle adopted a few years back. In her words: “Look after Rey, I don’t think she knows rules exist.”

But that wasn’t true actually. She knew there were rules, but she had a talent to bend them till yesterday.

   “Mister Organa?” Professor Hux asked. “Could you read out the first paragraph of your essay on German Literature?”

With a full-body jerk, Kylo sat up and looked at their professor for a few seconds, before he looked on his essay, written in the usual deep red scrawl over the pages.

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

After the lesson was over and Professor Hux collected the essays, he gave Kylo a look when he passed him at the front desk.

   “You were doing a good job on the beginning of the essay, I hope the rest is as good?”

The praise went through Kylo like a hot wave. His parents, always busy, never had time to praise him or even note his progress when he was smaller. He blossomed under praise, but from Hux it was always special.

   “Thank you.” He replied a little stiff. The professor nodded and Kylo left the room. There was a woman standing outside and as he walked past her he knew it was the mysterious woman visiting every once in a while. She had short, white blond hair and piercing grey eyes.

Rumour said it was Professor Hux’ girlfriend, but Rey had seen them and according to her there was nothing between them.

He nodded towards her and she nodded back. Then he was through the corridor door and she went into room 2R.

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

   “Well Armie.” Gwen asked and grinned as she leaned on the coffee table between them. “How’s teaching idiots?” Armitage’s eyes turned onto her.

   “It’s going quite well. How is shooting people?”

   “You know that I don’t like it when you say that!” The woman growled at him. “You once thought it the right thing too!”

   “Yes, but only because my father conditioned me to think that!”

Both looked at each other with anger in their eyes for a little longer, but deflated then.

   “I’m sorry.” Armitage Hux eventually said. “It was my fault. I am happy though that you still decide to spend your weeks home here.”

   “You’re my only buddy beside lil Mitaka.” Gwen leaned back when the waitress came and sat her ice cream down.

   “Are you going to their ceremony. Doph’s and Thomas’ I mean…” Armitage twirled a finger around his espresso cup.

   “Do you really think I will miss the moment when Doph is finally called Thanisson after years of mutual pining and the eventual drunken confession?” Gwen took a spoonful of ice. “Of course, I put my next holiday just around that.”

   “Well then Gwen, this means in the next few days we will go dress hunting?”

With a wolfish grin, Gwen sat up fully and dug into her ice cream. With a long suffering sigh, Armitage downed his espresso.

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

Kylo tried to concentrate on anything but the conversation in the booth next to his, but he just couldn’t turn his ears away. Eavesdropping on such a personal conversation felt like a huge intrusion into Professor Hux’ personal life, but he couldn’t help it.

He had send Rey a series of overexcited texts all concerning the conversation beside him. She hadn’t replied yet, but Kylo knew she’d be a total pisser about it all when she eventually came around to do it. Rey treated Kylo’s life like a personal soap opera and told her two besties about it.

Sure Finn and Poe were two very nice boys, but also very chatty. With a sigh Kylo watched how ‘Gwen’ and ‘Armie’ left the coffee shop and walked down the street towards a silver car. It wasn’t exactly silver, more chrome.

‘Gwen’ was presumably short for Gwendolin. It was a name unfitting for the butch woman, who was already terribly intimidating without the new-found knowledge that she was in the military.

‘Armie’ must then either be his actual name or short for…Armitage. Kylo frowned. Whoever named Hux must’ve hated him. But then the comment Hux said about his father came back into Kylo’s mind and he chewed it over and over in his head. Until Rey barged into the shop and walked straight towards Kylo.

   “How did you find me?” The man asked her shocked.

   “Well, I don’t know… _you texted me the name of the coffee shop_?!” The lass sat down and grinned wolfishly at him.

   “Granted, that was my stupidity.” Kylo admitted.

   “Did I miss them?” She asked and looked around.

   “Left like ten minutes ago.”

   “Shit.” She hit the table surface. “So, what did you find out about your object of desire.” Her voice was far too loud that Kylo was comfortable with it.

   “Sssh!” He hissed at her.

   “Hey everyone, this guy wants to bone his professor!” Rey said loudly.

Only a few tenants lifted their heads and a girl shouted: “You go!” from the back. Kylo’s face flushed bright red and he glared at Rey, who merely shrugged. With a roll of his eyes, Kylo summed up the conversation.

   “Well, for all we know, Hux had a terrible childhood, just like you.”

   “My childhood wasn’t terrible.” Kylo said quietly while the dark table top suddenly became interesting.

   “Shut up.” Rey sounded personally offended. “And I wasn’t a street kid, mate.”

   “It could have been worse.” Kylo replied even quieter.

   “You can lose your arm and it can get worse. That’s no justification!” Rey glowered at him. “Your parents didn’t abuse you, but they didn’t have the time for you that you needed desperately!” Despite her harsh voice, Kylo knew she merely cared for him.

With a sigh Kylo looked up at the girl, who looked at him with her wild eyes. She defended him against anything, even his own self-doubt. With a small smile he looked down on his hand resting on the table top. She reached over and covered the large fingers with her slim ones.

   “Thank you Rey.” He said with emotion-heavy voice.

Without replying she slid around the bench to pull him into a hug. Rey kissed his temple and Kylo buried his face in the crook of her neck to hide his beginning tears. She cared so much about him, it _hurt_.

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

The next morning, Kylo got his essay back. How Professor Hux had correct all 34 of them was a mystery to him, until he heard two guy who were in the lower International Literature class talk about the exam they wrote just yesterday, while the Professor graded the essays. He didn’t look at the neat writing on the paper sleeve around the essay until he got safely home into his student apartment.

Then and only then he allowed himself to sit down after he washed his hands and rubbed his wet fingers over his face a few times, to read the bright red ink, nearly printed over the paper sleeve.

_Mister Organa,_

_Your essay is yet again a masterpiece of deduction. Yet you could have illuminated the period of Romantic Literature as well as the Biedermeier and it’s specifics a bit more. You have read up on the Literature canon I provided two months ago._

_Continue this quality of work and you will excel in this course._

_Prof A. Hux._

This was a bit too much for Kylo. Yes, sure it wasn’t as good as he could have done, but Hux had noted that Kylo put himself through _Bahnwährter Thiel_ as well as Schiller’s _Die Räuber_ along with _Emilia Galotti._ In German on top of that.

After the stress of the two days of writing the essay and worrying about whether or not it was good enough for Professor Hux, Kylo felt the spike in anxious energy change into downright hornyness. He grew hard in his pants, imagining Hux praising him for his work while he undressed him.

Without much thinking, Kylo rubbed a hand over his clothed cock and sighed with pleasure. The redheaded man was teasing and praising Kylo in his imagination while he undid his own pants in real life. Slowly he pumped his cock as he imagined Hux kissing down his length and eventually swallowing it down.

From then on, Kylo wasn’t imagining much, business was finished quickly. But in his hurry he had forgotten to put the essay away. The essay he was supposed to return to Professor Hux the next day. There was only a small drop of cum on the unwritten part of the paper sleeve. But still…Kylo couldn’t give back the essay with his cum on it!

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

   “What are you stressing out about?” Rey asked him when the two entered the classroom 2R.

   “I think it would be better if no one knew about this particular failure or mine.” Kylo said quietly and Rey didn’t press on. She merely winked at him and Kylo meekly returned his essay to Professor Hux when the man walked through the rows or chairs while the class did a small exercise.

When Hux’ long fingers took the essay from Kylo’s table, the other man stared for a few seconds, even after the professor had moved on. It haunted him that Hux’ now had something soiled with his cum in his possession.

   “Well class.” Professor Hux spoke up after he had returned to his desk. “Time is up. Miss Skywalker, would you be so kind as to read out your answer to 1a?”

While the class continued, Kylo stressed out more and more, starting to hyperventilate at some point. Rey noticed this and while Professor Hux set up the computer, she reached over to him and put one of his hands on the middle of her chest.

   “Kylo, breathe. Calm down. I need you to relax and breathe normally.” She spoke hushed and calm her eyes boring into Kylo’s unseeing ones. Slowly, he came back down and took one last shuddering breath.

   “What’s going on?” She said, eyes worried and bit her lip.

   “I fucked up royally and stressed up about it.” Kylo replied and glanced quickly to the professor. “I’ll tell you later.”

   “Okay.” Rey shot him one last look and turned back to the front.

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

   “Mister Organa, a moment please.” Professor Hux asked when Rey and Kylo walked by.

   “Sure.” Kylo replied haltingly.

Shooting him one last desperate look, Rey left the classroom. With fear in the pit of his stomach, Kylo looked at Professor Hux.

   “You and Rey, are close I presume.” Professor Hux began.

   “She’s like a sister to me.” With growing nervousness, Kylo bit his lower lip. He caught the quick flit of his professors eyes down to his lips and swallowed a bit as he tried not to think too much about that.

   “A sister…” Professor Hux said awkwardly.

   “Yeah.” Kylo closed his eyes to gather his courage and said. “I was having a panic attack in class and she calmed me down. I’m sorry about it.”

Professor Hux looked surprised and worried when Kylo reopened his eyes. With growing anxiety, Kylo tried his best not to lose his control.

   “I’m sorry to hear that. If you have a panic attack again, you can leave the room if you want.” The older man said carefully.

   “That’s nice of you…but then I would summon the attention of the entire class and that would make matters worse.”

   “Because the attention would be on you?” Professor Hux asked.

   “It’s just…yeah.” Kylo’s voice was tight.

   “In that case, I understand. Can I ask what causes these panic attacks?”

   “General anxiety. Stress situations.” He looked down on his feet as he whispered his reply.

   “I…I didn’t mean to hurt or bother you. You didn’t need to answer the question.” A hand came to rest on Kylo’s shoulder. He looked into the eyes of the slightly smaller man. A soft smile graced his face and there was gentleness in the way he touched Kylo.

   “No…it’s okay. Better if you know about this. If I get one when Rey isn’t around.”

Professor Hux nodded and smiled. With a gentle squeeze, the hand lifted from Kylo’s shoulder.

   “Until next lesson then.” Professor Hux said and returned to his cool demeanours.

   “Yeah. See you Professor.” Kylo replied and walked outside slowly. He felt…more relaxed somehow.

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

   “Armie, you are distracted.” Gwen said when her shopping partner was yet again silent when she presented a beautiful outfit.

   “I know.” Armitage rubbed one hand over his face. “I worry for one of my students.”

   “Is he threatened to fail your class? You’ve never been worried about that…” Gwen sat down beside her old friend, but Armitage interrupted her.

   “No, no. He’s one of my best students. Very gifted and intelligent. But today I found out that he is suffering from anxiety and panic attacks.”

With a sigh, Gwen put her hand on her friend’s back. Armitage bit his lower lip.

   “I wonder what made him have anxiety in the first place.”

   “You’ll maybe never find out. Presumably some childhood trauma. After all his mother is a politician and his father a filmmaker. They wouldn’t have a lot of time for him when he was a kid. Loneliness changes people.”

   “I know. But he always seemed so whole.”

   “Armitage Hux. You should know best that broken people are good at hiding whatever hurt them.” Gwen brushed a hand over his back. “You of all people.” She repeated.

   “I…I want to help him.” There were glittering tears on Armitage’s cheeks.

   “Do it. Then you might be able to open up to someone other than me.”

   “I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I will hurt him.”

   “You fear that he will hurt you like Arthur did?”

   “Yes.” The broken word escaped Armitage’s lips with a pained tone.

   “He won’t. I’m sure of it.”

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

Rey twirled with Kylo’s hair as she listened to his explanation. With a sigh she opened her eyes and looked at the man’s head in her lab.

   “You are certainly the weirdest creature I have ever encountered. But I mean, nobody is perfect, so hey. After you were so down about…whatshisname?”

   “Don’t dare to say his name!” Kylo mewled.

   “Okay, I won’t say his name! But you were so down after he broke your sweet lil heart. It happened and you can’t change the past.” She pushed her hand into his hair. “I know it’s hard, but just try and forget it.”

   “This shame is unforgettable!”

   “Don’t be a baby!” Rey shouted and messed up his hair.

Their heart-to-heart turned into a tickle fight after that.

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

Armitage watched Kylo more intently for the next few lessons. Of course Gwen had sensed what he had to find out the hard way. He crushed on Kylo. Sure, the dark-haired brooding 21 year old was odd-looking, but his features were adding up to a handsome face.

And his intelligence was attractive. Most of his essays spoke of an emotional intelligence as well as a vast knowledge of literature rather than the usual repetitive phrases the other students deemed fit to enter into their essays. And Armitage thrived for an emotional relationship, no matter if friendship or relationship.

Arthur had broken something in him. Their relationship had started out sweet and quick. He knew he loved the man and thought the other loved him back. But his childishness and the way he broke up with Armitage had left terrible scars in his already cripple trust.

Yes, he had trust issues. But after a life under a father that lied constantly and put his own son down for fun. Or his stepmother who gossiped over the dump little offspring of her newly-wed husband. Maybe it was the fault of all those bullies who made his school life a terrible one. And most definitely the fault of all those people who acted as his friend and supporter and then turned his back on him.

   “Professor Hux?” Someone said.

Snapping out of his thoughts, he turned his attentions back on the class.

But he caught Kylo’s eye and the look the other gave him spoke of confusion about the spaced-off state the professor was apparently in and worry. It warmed Armitage’s heart a bit.

 _Chose wisely my lil cupcake._ Gwen’s voice said in his ear. _And if you don’t, I will personally pay them a visit when they hurt you._

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

Kylo was stressing out. He had an assignment to finish for Professor Hux’ class till tomorrow, but he was not even close to being finished. He had been out with Rey last night and had gotten carried away in his attempt to relax a bit. His eyes glanced from his computer over to the sheet of paper by his side.

_Compare two of the (for you) most memorable stories you read from a non-english speaking author to the work of an English writer._

_3-4 pages, Times New Roman, size 12._

_For help and input e-mail or call Prof A. Hux._

He did have the e-mail as well as Professor Hux’ number, but until now he hadn’t dared to call him in anyway. E-mail were regularly exchanged, as far as it could be called regular to send your Professor short questions regarding which book he’d recommend to read as additional knowledge.

And sure, Kylo knew which three works he’d compare. But how was the matter. By now he was stressing out, his hands started to tremble. Rey was with Finn and Poe, so not to be disturbed.

Without second thought he dialled up his professor.

   _“Hux, how can I help you.”_

   “Evening…professor. I have a slight problem…” Kylo began haltingly. He heard Hux’ even breaths through the phone. “The assignment you gave us on Tuesday. I won’t be able to finish it until tomorrow, because of personal reasons.”

   _“Personal reasons?”_ Hux’ sounded a little confused. _“Could you clarify that?”_

Kylo debated with himself for a second. Would he tell his professor that he had spent the last few days procrastinating about his life and whether he’d be able to use international literature studies in real life.

   “I’m stressing about my life.”

   _“We all do that sometimes, it’s totally normal.”_

   “To worry about your future that much that you are emotionally crippled by it?”

   _“Yes.”_ Professor Hux sighed. _“I’d rather have this kind of conversation in person and not over the phone.”_

The implication was clear, Kylo only needed to say yes or no.

   “I’ll text you my address.”

 

;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

 

When Armitage stood in front of Kylo Organa’s flat and asked himself for the twentieth time what he was thinking. It was against University policy to have any kind of non-professional relationship with a student including anything even remotely sexual.

But on the other hand, Kylo needed his help, or at least sounded like he did. And Armitage cared for this particular student a lot, both professional as well as non-professional. With a defeated huff he rang the bell. Quick footsteps came and the door was torn open.

Armitage never thought he’d say this about Kylo, but the young man looked like shit. He had bags under his eyes, looked haunted and it was clear that he had been crying. Kylo gave a broken sob and bit his lower lip.

   “Professor.” He said weakly.

   “Are you fine Kylo.” Armitage immediately asked. “Are you hurt?”

The only reply was a weak head-shake. Immediately, Armitage reached out and helped Kylo back into the flat, kicking the door close behind him. There was a door open down the hallway and the easiest solution seemed to simply steer the weeping student in there. It was a small living room with a dark red velvet couch and white IKEA-furniture.

   “Thank you.” Kylo managed when he sank down onto the couch.

   “Well. What’s happening?”

His question had a heavier impact on the other than he imagined it would have. Kylo didn’t just break into tears. Sure there was an increased wetness on his cheeks, but the younger man didn’t breathe. He hunched over and squeezed his eyes shut as he cried.

   “Kylo!” Armitage shouted. “Breathe, please for the love of god.”

And only then a broken sob escaped Kylo’s lips. Pulling the other to himself, Armitage rocked them both back and forth. He tried to ground Kylo but he felt the tenseness in his shoulders. The first time he had encountered something like in this severity was when one of Gwen’s mates had a panic attack.

It was the sign of someone who regularly supressed his emotional outbreaks. Hux knew this from himself.

Without uttering a word he simply relaxed back into the sofa and held Kylo close, who clutched at his shirt while he cried silent tears between gasping sobs. And slowly, ever so slowly, the man in Armitage’s embrace relaxed and calmed. When he was finished crying, he sat up slowly, a bit ashamed.

   “I’m sorry…”

   “Don’t even think about apologizing. You had a break-down, no one can blame you for that.” The apology had tasted bitter. Maybe because he himself had said these words to Gwen so often before.

   “I…I…I just don’t know…” Kylo wept a little more. “My life’s just…” He made a vague gesture. Then he looked at Armitage properly for the first time. The fear and sadness in his studnets face broke something in Armitage. “I am so afraid.” He whispered, barely audible.

   “What are you afraid of?” Armitage said gently, prepared for every outcome.

   “My life.” Kylo whimpered. “Like…I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing and all. Everyone seems to know where to go and what to do and I just…live.”

   “Kylo, just because it seems like this at the moment, there are countless people out there who share your fears.” His words didn’t seem to impress Kylo. “I felt and feel the same.” Armitage confessed.

   “You did?” Kylo looked at him, his doe-eyes wide from surprise.

   “Yes. A few years back I had to decide whether to continue with my military career or search for something else. And I decided against killing people, but on the other hand I had to leave my mates, men and women I trained with for a very long time. People I trusted. But in the end I am glad I did it. I’m glad to have taken the risk.

“And trust me Kylo, I am not any different from you. I was forced into military service by my father and when I made the decision, he became furious and threatened me to take me out of his will. In the end all the fuzz and the panic was not needed, because my mother intervened. Still, for a few months, my life was hell, just like yours. Don’t let this bullshit pull you under. You are a smart student and if I recall correctly, you wanted to be a writer.”

   “That’s a child’s dream.” Kylo said harshly, eyes closed.

   “Why…who told you that bullshit?” Armitage asked, a little furious.

   “My kendo master.”

   “Your kendo master knows shit about you!” Armitage usually didn’t lose his temper that quickly, but he cared for Kylo, even if he didn’t want to admit it to himself. He didn’t care if Kylo looked shocked at the professor. “You are wise beyond your years, you have stored a lot of information in that thick skull of yours. Use it! You can be a writer if you fight for it. Don’t let anyone get near you or your dream!”

Kylo looked up at Hux. He smiled softly under his tears.

   “Thank you.” And then Kylo leaned against Hux’ shoulder and the older pulled him closer, resting his cheek on Kylo’s head. Both let out a breath simultaneously. Kylo gave a tried giggle and Hux chuckled.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, giving kudos and commenting!  
> Have a nice fifth Day of Christmas!


End file.
